Lessons from the Super Bowl: Managing Emotions During Conflict
This past weekend millions of people tuned in to watch the Super Bowl. From celebrities to football fans to people who normally do not even watch football or sports in general, they are all drawn to this event regardless of whether it is in person or by watching it on television.
While most people are tuned in to either watch the game itself or the various commercials, there was one event in the most current Super Bowl between the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco Forty-Niners that caught the eye of many individuals. In fact, the event has gone viral on most social media platforms with many people offering their own critic of it. After the Kansas City Chiefs fumbled the ball, cameras captured an exchange between Kansas City tight end Travis Kelce and Kansas City head coach Andy Reid on the sideline. The video showed Kelce approaching Reid, yelling at his coach, and almost knocking Reid down by bumping into him. For some, attempts have been made to dismiss the event as Kelce just being emotional and that the event simply demonstrated his competitive fire and desire to be in the game.
As a former athlete, I can attest that there are some lines that you simply do not cross. One of those lines is to disrespect your coach ā especially in public; you just donāt do it. Kelce has since stated that his actions did cross the line although his relationship with Reid appears to be fine. Kelce is emotional and passionate about the game ā which is part of what makes him as good as he is. For a player who has been in the league for over ten years, the behavior witnessed Sunday night is below the expectations of someone of his celebrated stature. Regardless of competitive desire or emotions, youāre taught in sports to have self-control. On a more basic level, you donāt disrespect your coach or person of authority regardless of how emotional you may be.
Does It Reflect Society?
Was the exchange between Kelce and Reid representative of a larger societal issue? Granted, most of us do not have to deal with the competitive desire to play a game, but we do deal with the stress and challenges of work, family life, and personal life. Itās difficult to have these respective spheres of our lives exist in harmony with each other as one seems to always try to pull time and resources from the others. We experience stress and a desire to succeed in life while overcoming the daily challenges that stand in the way of us achieving these goals. In these instances, itās very easy for us to be like Kelce and not know how to productively handle our emotions.
Fear, frustration, and anger all have a habit of hijacking our brains. Biologically, when this happens, the amygdala takes over our ability to think rationally and we resort back to something of a lizard-like brain that is focused on survival. In these moments, itās easy for us to behavior much like Kelce in that we may be short fused with those around us and just plain cranky. We may make comments or remarks that are rather snarky to the person receiving them although we may not realize this in the moment.
It is in these type moments where miscommunication is very likely or the emotions surrounding your comments may trigger anger or frustration in the recipient. Either way, these instances are fertile ground for conflict to arise.
Strategies to Control Your Emotions
Is there a way to prevent these highly emotional situations from happening? Emotional intelligence and mindfulness may very well hold the key to defusing the emotions of these events.
- Be aware of your emotions. What are you feeling at this moment?
- Be aware of why you feel this way. Why do you feel frustration, anger, etc.? Do you feel that you are faced with harm or imminent danger?
- Pay attention to what youāre paying attention to. Be present in the moment and not focused on the past or future. If the other person is speaking, pay attention to what they are saying. Listen for understanding and not simply to reload on the person.
- Be aware of the other personās emotions. What does their body language suggest? Are they interpreting what you are saying accurately?
- Maintain a casual tone of voice. Avoid letting your emotions take over your speech.
- Seek understanding. After youāve listened to the other person, repeat what they just said to you to determine the accuracy of your interpretation. Use āSo Iām hearing you sayā¦.ā.
- Separate the person from the problem. Kelce treated Reid as if he was the problem although the problem was that Kansas City fumbled the ball on a play that Kelce was not a participant in. A better plan would have been to approach the coach calmly with an intent to create a plan to avoid such a play in the future.
Conclusion
We all have Kelce-type moments. In fact, our society is a rather emotional society whereby many people believe that if you do not express emotions, then you simply do not care or are not concerned about something. Yet, this belief and approach often leads to hard feelings and conflicts. As a result, relationships are strained or destroyed, and organizations are not as effective or efficient as they could be. Moments like we saw on Sunday night should cause each of us to reflect on how we act when emotions are high as Iām sure we all have room for improvement.
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